Child Contact Arrangements at Christmas

Whether your relationship broke down recently or some time ago, Christmas time can be a difficult and stressful period particularly when children are involved. There are a number of parents who face the additional pressures and challenges of communicating and agreeing with each other as to how and when to see their children over Christmas. The stress and emotions that arise can easily become overwhelming and overshadow what is typically a joyful time for families. Children will often want to spend their time and having loving relationships with their parents more than they want to receive lots of gifts. 

To ease some of the stress as we approach the festive season, we've compiled some useful tips to ensure that coordinating contact with the children doesn’t interfere with your festive fun this Christmas. 

Make a plan early on

Discussions between parents around Christmas arrangements should be taking place sooner rather than later. It’s perfectly normal to hesitate when it comes to having challenging discussions about contact arrangements for Christmas, especially if there are unresolved feelings between parents, if the separation is recent, or if there is emotional pain involved. 

However, avoiding these conversations will only increase the tensions and frustrations resulting in potential conflict. In contrast, taking proactive steps and planning ahead leads to open discussions. Initiating conversations early also creates the chance to explore mediation or obtain legal advice if direct negotiations do not yield a successful agreement.

Whether the agreement is reached in conversation or over text or email, it is important to try to listen to each other and be open to compromise. The conversations should be focused on the child’s well-being and maintaining a calm atmosphere to encourage the best coparenting agreements. 

When coordinating gifts, it’s wise to have open discussions about what your children should receive for Christmas. This helps to avoid duplicates and reduces any sense of competition among them.

During special occasions, attempting to "outshine" the other parent is never a wise choice. While extravagant gifts or large sums of money may appear impressive to you, your children will benefit much more from observing their parents in harmony than from receiving material possessions.

Talk to your children

Children will need to know where and how they will spend their time over the Christmas period. It is important that their views are heard and that you as parents will prioritise these. 

It is not fair on the children to ask them to choose between their parents as this is likely to be confusing and upsetting for them because they will know that whatever they decide, it will be disappointing and upsetting for one of the parents. However, asking them about what traditions they enjoy and figuring out a way to keep these in place is a simple way to make sure they have a good Christmas time. 

Any change to a child’s routine should be presented as a positive, even if it means one parent needing to compromise on arrangements. It may help the children to navigate this challenging time by having their usual Christmas traditions recreated for one last time for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, as this will provide a sense of stability for children during a time of change and adjustment. 

On the other hand, if parents are on good terms, they can choose to celebrate Christmas together as a family with their children, especially in the initial stages after separation. While this gesture may come from a place of goodwill, it can create confusion and distress for the children, as they might mistakenly think their parents are reconciling, which is typically not the reality. 

To ensure a smoother experience for everyone involved, it's essential to establish clear boundaries and communicate how, when, and where Christmas will be celebrated well in advance of the holiday.

As your child gets older, their thoughts and wants regarding Christmas may change and it’s important to recognise this. This change can influence their preferences for how they want to spend the holiday season. At this stage, it’s beneficial to involve your child in conversations and planning, or to present them with a variety of options. This approach enables you to better understand and address their wants and needs.

Be open to suggestions

There is no definitive right or wrong way to create a Christmas contact plan. Your specific family situation—whether blended, extended, or involving care responsibilities—along with your geographical locations, will influence your decisions. Ultimately, it’s about finding what works best for you and, most importantly, for your children.

• Dividing Christmas Day - One parent enjoys Christmas morning with the children, while the other parent joins them for the remainder of the day. The morning shifts each year.
• Christmas Day/Boxing Day Arrangement - One parent takes care of the children on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, while the other parent has them on Boxing Day and December 27th. The handover can occur late on Christmas Day or early on Boxing Day, with the routine alternating each year.
• Christmas and New Year’s Arrangement - Children spend Christmas and Boxing Day with one parent, and then transition to the other parent for New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day, alternating the arrangement each year. This option can be ideal for parents who reside at a distance, reducing disruption and travel for the children.

Stick to the plan

Once you have reached an agreement, your children should be informed of these in a positive, fun way and these arrangements should be stuck to, so as not to create uncertainty and instability for the children. 

Altering arrangements will not provide the security they require and may only heighten tensions. Sticking to a set plan reaffirms your dedication to the family unit and demonstrates responsible coparenting.

Additionally, it’s wise to reflect on the arrangements once the holidays have concluded to assess what worked and what didn’t. This will help you plan more effectively for next year. If possible, having a face-to-face discussion is ideal. However, aim for an open conversation as soon as you can to ensure that next Christmas is the best it can be.

What should you do if an agreement on child contact during Christmas cannot be achieved?

Not every separated parent will find it easy to come to a mutually agreeable solution, but there are alternative options to consider.

Mediation is a constructive process that enables families to negotiate future arrangements for their children with the help of a neutral third party, known as the mediator. This method empowers parents to amicably reach their own agreements without resorting to court, offering greater control and a faster, more cost-effective resolution compared to traditional legal proceedings.

Anyone who holds parental responsibility can submit a request to the family court regarding Christmas arrangements, but this should only be pursued when absolutely necessary. It's important to recognise that these applications may not be prioritised by the family court. Therefore, if they are not filed in a timely manner, there is a possibility that the case will not be addressed before Christmas.

If the case proceeds to a hearing, the court will anticipate receiving proposals from each parent in the form of statements. Following this, before the initial court session, CAFCASS (The Child and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) will perform detailed checks to identify any welfare or safeguarding issues that the court needs to be informed about.

The Court may not endorse the plans put forth by either parent, so could propose a completely different solution instead. Its primary concern will always be the welfare of the child, and all decisions will be made with that priority in mind.

Following the submission of witness statements, a welfare checklist, and CAFCASS recommendations, the court may choose to issue a child arrangement order to establish contact during the Christmas period. This court decision will be legally binding, and both parents are required to adhere to the court order.

How can Hegarty help? 

When it comes to Christmas, it is usually more manageable to set aside personal differences and prioritise your children's happiness and security. 

Obviously, Christmas will be different following separation and moving out of the family home. This is where it is important to communicate and agree on the future arrangements for the children for Christmas in good time. It is still possible, following separation, to keep the children’s holiday traditions in place, even if celebrated separately, as well as taking the opportunity to create new memories and traditions together. 

However, if you find yourself needing assistance to navigate the emotional challenges, consulting with one of our friendly team of family law experts, can provide valuable guidance and support.

For further information, please contact the Family Department on 01733 346333 or email enquiries@hegarty.co.uk, in respect of Child Arrangements should you not be able to reach an agreement in relation to spending time with your children at Christmas.