Birdnesting has gained popularity as a co-parenting method post-separation. It entails the children staying in one residence, typically the family home, while the separated parents alternate living with the children in that same home.
Read more in our article ‘Nesting’ Agreements in Divorce | Everything you need to know
The pros of nesting arrangements
- The children involved remain in the family home, thus reducing the disruption to their lives and leaving them with a feeling of safety by being in their own bed each night.
- Children can end up managing the separation better as it’s a more gradual process.
- The children needn’t travel between two homes or pack a bag each time they move between parents. This can make it less likely for stressful situations around things like forgotten homework, extracurricular activity kit, or their favourite teddy bear.
- Children get to stay at their schools with their friends adding to the child’s stability and thus their capability of dealing with their parents splitting up.
- Similarly, any clubs or groups they belong to in the area around the family home can continue for them, keeping their routine as unchanged as possible.
- Financially, money can be saved by not needing to create 2 bedrooms for the child in 2 separate houses e.g. 2 sets of toys, 2 sets of clothes, furniture etc.
- It is advantageous for parents to address other divorce matters before dealing with housing decisions, especially in an unfavourable housing market.
- Some parents find the arrangement helpful in developing a healthy co-parenting relationship with good communication.
- On the other hand, if the parents are actively working on their marriage and have separated as a temporary measure, this strategy may assist in maintaining stability in their lives and facilitating reconciliation.
The cons of nesting arrangements
- The arrangement can blur the lines of the separation or divorce as the individuals will still be in a financial relationship rather than having a clean break.
- Some argue that the lines become blurred and confusing for the children also, saying that the children are more likely to hold on to the hope that both of their parents will come home making it more difficult for them to cope in the future.
- Parents who try this approach must be in a position of good communication as otherwise, they run the risk of creating more conflict between themselves. In turn, that does not create a good atmosphere for the children involved.
- While one parent is away, they lead a life that their children are not involved in or familiar with as well as having to trust their ex-partner in the house with their belongings, leaving them with little privacy.
- Nesting can also have an emotional impact, as each party has to see the other's belongings etc.
- Nesting might lead to higher expenses if parents require two additional properties (one each) along with the mortgage unless there are other arrangements in place, like living with family.
- Perhaps the biggest con of this arrangement comes when one party finds a new partner and wants them to stay overnight at the family home which will likely be a potential for conflict.
For families going through separation, it's crucial to start considering early on how they can effectively co-parent their children in the future. Our expert family law team is here to support and guide you through this process.
